Although it must have been years since I last saw it, there’s a scene in 500 Days of Summer where Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character goes to a party that Summer is hosting. On the way there and while at the party, the screen splits in two and we see his ‘expectations’ versus the ‘reality’ of what happened.
I laid out my expectations almost a year ago in this post –
By then, I’d had two lots of surgery but at the beginning of October I started radiotherapy and chemotherapy – this was for six weeks and then the radiotherapy stopped, with the chemo shifting to three consecutive days a month. A lot of the expectations I outlined in the aforementioned post have proven to be correct, in my case at least! I’ve managed to mostly avoid being hospitalised, although for those six weeks in particular it did feel like my whole life was revolving around treatment. I’ve had to change chemo because the scans were showing that it wasn’t working, but as I wrote in another blog post recently, the latest scan was much more positive. (https://debbiescancerblog.wordpress.com/2018/09/01/update-4/)
The chemo is a lot less taxing because I just take it at home and it only lasts three days. I’ve been able to get out and about, see some friends and even go on holiday – and more importantly, I am still here, which wasn’t always an expectation I had. I didn’t make it to Birmingham Chocolate Festival, but I did get to see both The Last Jedi and the Han Solo film!
Fortunately, I’ve not been hit too hard by side effects – my mobility and eyesight continue to decline, but I haven’t been feeling overly unwell. That’s probably due to the vast amount of medication I’m on keeping me vaguely stable. My sleeping pattern is awful, but it always has been (last night, for example, I couldn’t sleep because I had a song about constipated men in the Bible stuck in my head – I think we used to sing this at Greenbelt!) I’ve been very fortunate to not have to have too many bed days, and even if I have felt more tired than usual, I haven’t needed to cancel many plans – I’m trying to focus on the positives partly as a way of reminding myself that even tiny things are worth celebrating.
Hopefully the next few weeks and months continue in a similar vein – I’ve got a few plans and am continuing trying to do bits of work here and there, when energy levels and motivation allow!