Wednesday Morning, 3am

I’ve had insomnia, on and off (mostly on) for over a decade. It’s very rare that it takes me a short time to drop off to sleep, and much more common that I’m just lying awake in the darkness. This is irritating enough at the best of times, but if I have to be up early or if I’ve had a busy day, it’s particularly annoying. A lot of people have it a lot worse than I do, so I don’t want to complain too much – and while it has got worse lately, my sleeping pattern wasn’t great as a teenager. I don’t think the lack of sleep is related to my tumour, although at least now most of the time I can rest or try and get some sleep after my morning meds (although that may have the unwanted side effect of not being able to sleep the next night!)

Occasionally, when I vocalise this ‘not being able to sleep’ fear, I’m told ‘just stop worrying, then you’ll sleep….’ – my response is usually something deeply sarcastic along the lines of ‘oh, if only I’d known that was where I was going wrong!’ Not being able to sleep then becomes a worry in itself, and it can feel like a never ending spiral. I don’t have a computer or phone in my room, and caffeine doesn’t seem to make much of a difference. I don’t use my bedroom for much other than (attempting to) sleep, I usually try to be in bed by midnight, although that doesn’t always work – going to bed two hours earlier just means I lie awake for two hours longer! I need to start using the things I bought from Lush because they are meant to help you sleep, but I’ve tried various sleep hygiene things, and none seem to have worked that well!

If anyone has any advice (that isn’t ‘just stop worrying’!) I’d appreciate that!


(This is not my actual bed, which is a lot less fancy! It’s a photo from my hotel in Stockholm back in 2016, because any excuse for a photo of Sweden is a good one!)

One thought

  1. Hey sweetie, I really don’t have advice on how to go to sleep but a question. You said you take meds. Does one of them happen to be steroids ? I have meningioma Brain Tumor & they gave those to me for a month a didn’t sleep. I thought I was going to go insane & what it did to my body is horrifying… I am like you I know some have worse than me and I should be grateful but this is my story… as this one is yours… I stared with googling my meds to see which one doing what then I made a list to talk to my doctors too… so that is all I can tell ya I am still going threw it… I be prayin that you get some sleep soon… when ya do let us know … thank you


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